


Somewhere In Between

by tedenbylogan



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Author is Nonbinary, Bi Ted "Theodore" Logan, M/M, Nonbinary Ted "Theodore" Logan, Other, Post-Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Ted is he/they we just aren't there yet, Trans Bill S. Preston Esq., Weed mention (it's like a paragraph), author is transmasc, but the princesses are in college and not still dating them, gay bill s. preston esq., gay pining, not too long before bogus journey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29367963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tedenbylogan/pseuds/tedenbylogan
Summary: Ted keeps impulsively stealing makeup and finally starts to humor the idea that he's not cis. Neither him nor Bill really know the language to use to describe his feelings, but two things are for certain, they are gay idiots mutually pining for each other and Ted should definitely try putting some of the make up on.
Relationships: Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	Somewhere In Between

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first fanfic i've ever written pls be nice lol. also i kind of want to make this a collection of stories just about both of them figuring out gender stuff idk. some of both of their experiences r inspired/influenced by my own as a gay transmasc nonbinary person but they def aren't universal lol. i hope you enjoy it! title is a line from "am i a girl" by poppy!

Ted stole makeup.

He didn't do it often, just every once in a while when he had to run errands without Bill. Sometimes, but only recently, when they split up to shop, but usually he got too scared.

He didn't know why he did it. At first he told himself it was for Elizabeth as some kind of gift when she visited from college, but as the collection grew even after they broke up, he knew it was something different. It was just so easy to slip it into his pocket. No one ever really paid attention to him in the makeup aisle and he never stayed there long. It was a simple process. _Oh this is pretty. Oh, I haven’t seen this before. Oh, I don’t have a shade like this._ And then it went in his jacket pocket and he walked away. Short. Sweet. Easy.

He never tried any of it on, they just stayed in his underwear drawer, hidden under his socks. Well, besides the black nail polish he'd taken a few weeks ago. That sat on his dresser, seemingly taunting him, as he was too scared to actually put it on. Bill thought it was excellent, but something about it made Ted so nervous in a way he couldn't pin down. The makeup did too, but he didn't like to think about that one. It went in his drawer and he only encountered it on accident. The lipsticks and eyeliners, mascaras and eye shadows, they were just accidents, compulsions fueled by an ease of access. Nothing more. That's what he liked to tell himself. Just a little rebellion in the name of still living in the same town as his father. He couldn’t imagine Captain Logan hating anything more than the idea of his son stealing makeup. That's all it was, spite. Most non heinous of him.

So when he found himself alone in a drug store in search of toilet paper, he let himself wander to the makeup aisle. And he grabbed a pack of pink lipstick, he didn't have pink yet, and it hit the bottom of his jacket pocket before he headed to where he belonged. He rang out a pack of toilet paper and a candy bar and headed out. The candy bar went in his mouth, the toilet paper into the bathroom, and the lipstick into his drawer. Easy. Simple. No more thinking about it. They could just sit there, buried. 

But something about it felt extra bogus this time, it was stuck on his mind. Would Bill mind if he hit their bong while he was gone? Probably not, but Ted would certainly feel most heinous about that. They always shared their stache, always split the cost. He'd have to wait for Bill to get home. The weight resting on his shoulders was most egregious and he didn't understand why it was there. 

At this point in his life, he knew he was into dudes, but this was something different. Something harder to understand. Something he was uncomfortable thinking about. _No, it was just shoplifting makeup. Just spite. Nothing else._ Ted sighed and headed to the living room, sitting down on the couch and turning on the tv. He tried really hard to focus on the game show playing, hunched over and staring at the screen. The show was in the middle of playing, having to catch up was a good distraction. so he tried to, soon getting sucked in. 

Bill got home a few hours later, quickly greeting him with a smile. The blond boy was always so happy to see him in a way Ted didn't fully recognize. Couldn't fully recognize. The gender thoughts were inhibiting him far more than he was aware.

"You okay, duder?" Bill asked from their bedroom door, leaning against it in his uniform as he waited for an answer. Ted hesitated before answering, trying to figure out exactly what to say.

"Not really, dude. Very in my head right now in the most non excellent way," he sighed. It was more open ended than he wanted, left too much room to poke holes, but at least he said something.

"What do you mean, dude?" Bill asked, pulling his work shirt over his head, leaving him in a tank top. 

“It's hard to talk about. everything is jumbled in the most non bodacious way. Like my brain is hiding something from me or something," Ted shrugged, even talking about the feeling at all was hard. But acknowledging it out loud even a little made it feel like a weight was lifted.

"Oh," Bill paused, clearly curious. "Do you wanna hit the bong, duder? Maybe that'll clear your head some."

"That's a most excellent idea, Bill! I'd been thinking that, but I was waiting on you to get home," he kinda looked down as he spoke, letting his hair hang in his eyes and completely missing the blush scattered over Bill’s cheeks. Bill nodded and closed the bedroom door, reemerging shortly after in new clothes. He held the bong in one hand, grinder and weed baggy in the other. They'd definitely need to get more soon. Ted had been stealing more makeup recently and that meant smoking more weed. Bill never bugged him about it though, never pried. Was always patient with him. He liked it a lot. 

Ted smiled a little as Bill sat on the couch, fingers delicately setting bud in the grinder after the bong was on the table. He was so focused on what he was doing, grinder soon resting on his thigh as he moved to pack the bowl. it was kind of mesmerizing. He liked watching Bill do things. Bill looked up at him and blushed again, a short chuckle leaving his throat. Ted looked away shyly, not processing why now he was blushing as well. They had these little moments often, ever since the girls had gone away to college and broken it off. The band was still fine, the girls were still most excellent friends, and they had each other. The meaning of that last bit was slowly shifting under Ted's nose, his feelings for Bill set on the backburner; one life changer at a time.

They took turns taking hits and watching each other, both seemingly entranced by the way the other's fingers moved as they set it up, before bringing the mouthpiece to their lips and inhaling. Truthfully, it had taken them some time to actually get good at using a bong. Watching had started as a way to make sure the other did everything correctly, so they got equally as high, but the habit never died. It probably never would, not as long as they smoked anyway. Besides, what else was there to look at while they waited? Too easy to get distracted by the tv.

"Hey dude," Ted mumbled as Bill set the bong back on the coffee table.

"Yeah, Ted?" his eyebrows raised as he relaxed back into the couch, eyes fully on the person beside him..

"You ever feel like you like… aren't fully a dude? Like uh… in your mind?" he paused for a second. "I know you're a dude, that's not what I mean. I just-- I dunno dude," he cut himself off, clearly scared of upsetting his dear friend, and looked away in embarrassment. This was hard. The concept was more clear in his mind but the words were harder to get out. Bill's eyebrows furrowed as he thought about it, hand absentmindedly moving to touch his own chin.

"I mean like, when I was a kid, before I understood what being a girl meant or whatever, I was just a kid, you know? But when I figured it out, I knew I was a dude. It just made sense. Why dude? Do you feel like you might be a babe or something?" His voice was light, eyes carefully on Ted. "Is that what you were so worked up about? It'd be pretty non non non heinous if you were. We'd just have to go shopping or something." he grinned a little at the idea, clearly supportive.

"I dunno dude. I don't think I'm a babe. I don't _feel_ like a babe. Is there anything besides a dude or a babe?" Ted's face scrunched up, puzzled. He sighed, starting to get tired. This still wasn't easy to think about, not even while he was stoned. He didn't know if he could handle it anymore and turned to hide his face in a pillow. Bill set his hand on Ted's back, the weight a very welcome edition.

"I dunno, Ted. But whatever you are is certainly most excellent!" he paused, smiling at Ted as he sat up slightly beside him. "Do you wanna order chinese food?" It was so comforting how he could pick up on when the conversation needed to change.

"Can we get pineapple fried rice?" His voice was soft, half muffled by the pillow. A little comfort food sounded perfect.

"Of course, Ted," Bill nodded. There was a place that had Hawaiian fried rice and it was the closest to how his mom used to make.

\---

Ted didn't say anything after that. He didn't steal anything either. He felt fine, a slight weight lifted after acknowledging it. Shit, he even painted his nails a week later. Black nail polish was totally metal, both of them agreed. There were a few times over the next couple of weeks where Bill looked like he clearly wanted to say something to Ted, but Ted didn't want to talk about it again, so he ignored it. He’d noticed how often Bill said his name now, trying to sub it for ‘dude’ in conversation. He didn’t know how to tell him he didn’t mind. Everything else was fine and business as usual until Bill asked to borrow a pair of socks on their day off together. Ted was still mostly asleep and Bill was already pulling the sock drawer open before he even had time to say anything. He pulled it open fast, the makeup products rolling forward. _Shit._ Ted bit his lip, gulping. _Don’t say anything. Don’t say anything. Don’t say anything._

“Where’d you get all of this, Ted?” he asked. _Fuck!_ His voice was gentle and full of curiosity. Really, Ted was more nervous about admitting to stealing than anything. Bill could probably figure out the makeup, but shoplifting had never really been his style. Smoking weed was the extent of their illegal activities. 

“I uh--- The drug store…?” Ted sat up in bed, hair sticking out at different angles. It was taking all of his willpower to not hide under his blankets. Why was this so scary?

“When? These are pretty, d- Ted. Why are they all in your sock drawer?” his voice was still gentle, rolling two tubes of lipstick back and forth in his hand as he spoke. 

“It’s okay if you call me dude, Bill. I don’t mind it,” Ted scratched the back of his head as he spoke. “And uh… IstolethemandIdon’treallyknowwhyIdoitandit’sembarassing,” he mumbled. “So I just throw them all in there so I don’t have to deal with them. But I guess that’s not really working out for me right now, huh?” he sighed, looking away.

“Why do you think it’s embarrassing, dude?” The lightness in Bill’s voice was unwavering. The comfort Ted found in it was immeasurable. The unspoken bond they had, the way Bill knew to be soft and patient, knowing any other attitude would terrify Ted into shutting down, was something he’d only had briefly before his mother passed when he was a child. With Bill, it felt more familiar, right, calming. He knew Bill would talk to him like this constantly if he needed it. There was nothing more comforting in the entire world, not even pineapple fried rice. 

“I dunno. It just- It just is. What do I need this makeup for? I don’t know why I keep taking it. It just sits there. It’s bogus, Bill. I’m like, too scared to touch it. I don’t even know how to use it but I keep putting it in my pocket when I go to the store and I don’t know what to do,” he huffed, eyes welling up. This was so fucking hard to talk about, it was a battle even being coherent in trying to explain it to his best friend. He was so thankful Bill glossed over him stealing things, thankful he knew it was an issue for another time.

“I think you should put it on, dude. I think that would help, like really. I can uh… help, if you want.” The blush on Bill’s cheeks that Ted was so familiar with was there, instantly easing some of his tension. But putting on the makeup? He didn’t know about that one. He bit his lip again, running his fingers through his hair. “C’mon, I’ll make you look like Angelina Jolie or something.” Bill chuckled, giving him a thumbs.

“She is most definitely a babe,” Ted nodded. “I’d like to see you try.” He was still nervous as hell, but at least he didn’t have to do all of it by himself. He watched intently as Bill went through his drawer, fishing out things he wanted to try out, sometimes uncapping lipsticks to get a look at the color. It wasn’t that wide of a variety, but it did take some deliberation. He seemed deep in thought, trying to figure out how to make Ted look like a movie star with the options.

“Okay so I got uh, this pink lipstick that I think will look most excellent on you,” he nodded. The last thing Ted had taken. He remembered the color, a muted dusty pink. “And I got this eyeshadow.” He held it up, it was a shimmery light brown with hints of gold. Brilliant choice. “And then these.” Finally, he held out a tube of black mascara and a black eyeliner pencil. Most non bogus finishing touches. Bill was going to make him look pretty. _Pretty._ That was exactly what he wanted. He sat up fully on his bed, swinging his legs over the side as Bill walked over to him. He pushed his hair out of his face and behind his ears in preparation. Soon, Bill sat beside him and Ted turned to the side of the bill, pulling his leg up so his entire body could face him. His heart was pounding. It felt like his life had been leading up to this moment. Bill uncapped the lipstick.

“I feel like I most understand how to do this one,” he mumbled, twisting it upwards. His face was still red. Ted’s tone quickly matched his as Bill got closer to his lips, delicately pressing the lipstick against the bottom one. “You gotta open your mouth, dude.” Ted quickly followed directions, lips parting. _Oh God._ he probably had morning breath. But, it was Bill. It didn’t matter, right? Regardless, he didn’t comment on it. He was clearly focused on getting the color onto the other’s lips and Ted found himself closing his eyes. All of this was relaxing and Bill was too close to his face to really stare at. 

“All done. I think you’re supposed to rub your lips together or something.” Ted’s eyes reopened and he did as he was told, enjoying the feeling of the product on his lips. It was somehow softer than he’d imagined.

“Thanks, dude. It's uh, eyeshadow time now, right? I think I can do that myself… Unless you want to…?” he offered, nervous. His heart showed no signs of slowing down. This felt like a massive step in a direction he didn’t know what to call.

“We can each do one eye!” Bill suggested, seeming proud of the idea. “We can see who’s more bogus at applying this. Heh.” He opened the single pack of eyeshadow and Ted knew to close his eyes without being told this time.

“Little less pressure, dude,” he mumbled, able to feel the other’s finger pushing into his eyelid. “Kinda hurts.”

“Oh, my bad, dude,” Bill murmured, the pressure immediately subsiding. “Is this better?” Ted nodded slightly before he realized, but Bill didn’t say anything, so he figured it was fine. The sensation stopped and he opened his eyes, immediately watching bill as he set the eyeshadow down and pulled out the eyeliner.

“Oh, are you just going straight to that now?” Ted asked, kind of nervous. Eyeliner scared him the most. Seemed like the most dangerous product. He knew people liked to put it on above their bottom eyelashes, like right where the lid met the eye, and that kind of wigged him out.

“Yeah, uh, figured I’d finish the eye before you do the next one,” he replied as he took the packaging off of the product. “I don’t have to, if you wanna do the other side now.”

“No, it’s okay. Go ahead, dude.” Ted closed his eyes again, only opening them when Bill asked. He avoided the waterline and Ted most definitely did not mind. He blinked when Bill put on his mascara, a trick he said he learned from Missy, and he kept trying to fully relax, to get his eyeballs to stop buzzing whenever his eyes were closed. Bill didn’t say much, he was concentrated.

“Maybe you should do the other eye too,” Ted said once Bill was done, sighing a little. Bill doing his makeup made it so much easier. He didn’t have to worry about messing up, that was someone else’s problem and he was honestly grateful. Knowing what he looked like with makeup on would make it easier, he reasoned. Bill smiled at the suggestion and Ted closed his eyes again, letting him work his magic. By the time it was time to apply mascara again, he was more excited to see the result than anything, nerves starting to take a backseat to the giddiness he felt.

“You look beautiful, dude, if I do say so myself,” Bill beamed, reaching over and messing up Ted’s hair a little. “Go to the bathroom and look.” He was excited too and that just amped up Ted even more. He practically jumped up, knee bumping into the other’s leg as he headed to the bathroom. 

He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut before looking at himself in the mirror. The grin on his face was immediate. His eyelids were so glittery, he couldn’t help but keep moving his head side to side to see them shine differently in the light. His eyelashes were beautiful like this. The eyeliner did admittedly look kind of weird and he understood why people did it so close to their eyes, but he loved it. Something about this felt so incredibly right. He laughed, earning a concerned call from Bill asking if he liked it.

“I love it, Bill. I look most bodacious.” It brought him peace in a way he didn’t fully understand and that was enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm tedenbylogan on twt and tumblr as well ! i'm more active on twitter though. thanks for reading!


End file.
